To Good to be True

Tia went in for her 30 day check up on Friday afternoon, and they weren't able to find the embryo.  Sometime between day 16 and 31 she lost the pregnancy.  I had been thinking that everything had been too easy, going too well and I was right.  For an older mare, that has had reproductive issues in the past, I was shocked that she took on the first try and everything looked good at the first check.

I admit to crying the whole way home from the vet's. Which is about 5 minutes, but still. Once at the barn and after unloading Tia, I sat in the truck and cried some more while texting my mom and BO. The vet asked me if I wanted to try again, and I had said I didn't know.  My fear is that we'll rebreed her and it'll happen again. At that point I was too upset to even think about trying again. I don't recommend trying to back up and park your trailer while crying; I might have almost hit another trailer. Damn tears make it hard to see.

I spent most of Friday night/Saturday morning crying and trying to figure out what I want to do. I looked up repro specialists and after talking with my mom, BO, and another boarder I decided to take Tia into another vet about an hour away and get her opinion. If she thinks Tia could hold a pregnancy we'll try again.  If not, I  think we're going to try embryo transfer.  Our barn manager, LT, has offered her husband's trail mare up as a surrogate, pending vet approval.

 It's expensive, but as my mom put it, not that much more than going out and buying another horse.  And I don't want another horse, I want Tia's baby. I adore the mare and would love to have a piece of her for my own. If I could have bred Phoenix, Buddy, or Peebs I would have.  It's not about having a fancy, upper level horse for me.  It's about having a piece of a horse I love. I never plan to have human children; my horses are my kids and I didn't think I'd be so upset about losing Tia's foal. But it feels like I've lost part of my heart.